NCC 1701 and the Wormholes:
Where No Band Has Gone Before

NCC 1701 and the Wormholes are a Star Trek cover band from Broomfield . They insisted on being interviewed separately via e-mail. I sent each of them the same list of questions. What follows are the questions and the responses from each band member.

Tell me about yourself. What's your name? What do you play? Etc.

NCC 1701: Hi. My name is NCC1701, Rhythm Guitar. My name is the numerical designation of the USS Enterprise . I love this band.

Warp 10: I'm Warp 10. I play lead guitar. I guess it's all right. We're good friends. I wanted to a spy music cover band but the other guys didn't go it. I think I carry the group. Musically speaking, the songs are pretty advanced.

pH 1: The pH scale indicates acidity or basicisity. Seven on the scale is neutral. 14 is highly acidic and 1 is the most basic. I play the bass. It's a pun, basically.

Chaos Theory: Drums. The other guys gave me the name, Chaos Theory. My real name is Striker. A Star Trek cover band. The idea seems pretty stupid. No one can remember our name. I don't tell my friends about our shows. Are you kidding me? Damn.

Tell me about the music.

NCC 1701: We play covers of Star Trek songs. Anything that has to do with Star Trek , we'll do. We do songs about Star Trek . We do incidental music from the films. We sing the original words to the Star Trek theme as written by Gene Roddenberry.

“Lyrics?!?” you say. Yes, the original theme had lyrics. Here's the fascinating tale behind them. Gene Roddenberry was shrewd. When the TV series first aired, he commissioned the theme song and then wrote lyrics for it which were never sung or performed. He got 50% song writing credit and his family gets royalties off that song to this day.

My favorite song we do is “Headin' Off to Eden, Yeah Brother” from the orginal series episode, The Way to Eden , as sung by Doctor Sevrin and his band of interstellar hippies.

Warp 10: I have an effect that makes my guitar sound like a theramin so I play the high female voice part in the original main theme.

I'd love to play the theme to the new series. I forgot the title. The one that takes place before Kirk and has the guy from Quantum Leap . It's the first rock song connected to Star Trek . I think pH 1 doesn't like it. I don't know what his problem is.

pH 1: We won't do “Bilbo Baggins,” by Leonard Nimoy. That song was a sell-out in the first place. If we were to do it so soon after the release of The Fellowship of the Ring , it would look bad.

Also we'll never EVER EVER do the theme to Enterprise . Talk about crap.

Star Trek went to hell the day Rick Berman [the producer who took over after Gene Roddenberry died--ed.] brought that strumpet, Seven of Nine, into Voyager . He's trying to appeal to the impulsive emotional side of the audience. Sex has never been the most important thing to a Star Trek fan. Now they have this stupid song at the beginning of Enterprise and that awful Vulcan sex kitten as first mate to Captain Archer. We're trying to maintain the integrity of the first three series.

Chaos Theory: The songs? These guys spend all their time speaking Klingon. I have no idea what's going on. During rehearsals I play more solitaire than drums.

Favorite series or Star Trek film.

NCC 1701: Original Series and first seven feature films.

Warp 10: I watch Voyager mostly. And Enterprise when I can.

pH 1: I quit watching TV and movies a couple years ago. Now I'm trying to read all the novels and some of the Slash Literature*. I used to love the animated series.

Chaos Theory: Does Captain Kirk die in one of the movies? That's my favorite.

What's the toughest thing about being in a Star Trek cover band?

NCC 1701: Giving the songs the dignity they deserve while still appealing to the mass audience. It's a tough compromise sometimes but I think we pull it off.

Warp 10: Getting gigs. We played the New Band Showcase at Herman's and we have a show booked at the Lion's Lair. Tuesday, September 17 2002 . Write it down. Also it's hard to keep my ego in check. We're pretty good, but I'm REALLY good.

pH 1: Getting people to take us seriously. If we can take us seriously, so can you.

Chaos Theory: Christ, everything about this band sucks. They're nice guys and all but I don't think we're on the same wavelength. I want to give up the funk and they want to perform Vulcan Filching songs. I think they should look for a new drummer. Don't print that part.

Any final thoughts?

NCC 1704: Live long and prosper. Kaplah!!!!!

Warp 10: Come to our show and see my new two-handed phase-shifting tapping technique.

pH 1: We are only a tiny part of this enormous universe. But I hope that someday one of our songs will be played on the radio and that song will travel out of the earth's atmosphere via radio waves. It will journey across the stars to the other side of the cosmos where it will come in contact with an alien array of antennae. Those antennae will convert the radio waves to sound and an alien life form will hear our music. The song will be a hit on another planet. I know this to be true.

Chaos Theory: If you want less rock, more Spock, this is the band for you.

*Click here for a sample of Slash Fiction

--Strapping Danforth, January 2002

From: Lois
To: Kevin
Sent: February 5, 2002
Subject: Hey

Got a call from a tech geek who said that PH1 got the Ph scale backwards. I guess 14 is the most basic and 1 is the most acidic. He wanted me to pass that on to the band. I passed it on. Whatever!:0)

PS We still can't afford to pay your friend but we are going to give you a free subscription starting this next issue.