Sock it to Me:
Strapping Danforth Meets His Maker

Soapy Argyle: Excuse me.  How did you get in here?

Strapping Danforth:  I heard music.

SA: That’s because I’m mixing a song.  I thought the door was locked.

SD:  You’re in a garage.

SA: Yes.  I am.  And you are, too.  Would you mind leaving?  And why are you holding that tape-recorder?

SD:  I’d like to interview you.  What’s your name?

SA:  Soapy Argyle.  Who the hell are you?

SD:  I’m Strapping Danforth.

SA:  No shit! The guy who writes for Riff Magazine?

SD: You’ve heard of me?  You’ve heard of Riff?

SA:  Of course.  I love your stuff.  You’re my favorite writer of all time.  Ruthless.  Funny.  Perceptive.  Honest.  I haven’t seen any Riffs lately.  Everything going okay?

SD:  They went bankrupt due to a Halloween party. 

SA:  So you’re freelancing?

SD:  Sort of.

SA:  What happened to your face?

SD:  Terrell Davis.  A guy dressed like Terrell Davis beat me up.  I don’t know why. 

SA:  Can I get you some Neosporin?

SD:  Let’s just start the interview, okay?

SA:  Go for it.

SD:  Who are you and what do you do?

SA:  Have a seat, will you?

[sound of chairs being moved.]

SA:  Well.  This garage is the home Sparky the Dog Records.  For the last few years, I’ve been recording people here for free.  I’m not much of an engineer, but that’s okay.  I only record people who’ve never made music before.  They don’t care if things aren’t perfect.  You know.  I don’t know how to play drums but I’m the drummer on half the sessions.  It’s fun.  A lot of work, but fun.  We’ve made some terrific stuff in here over the past four years.  Primitive and sophisticated, both.  All the artists who come in are my friends.  Most of them have never played in a band.  Some of them have never played a musical instrument.  Everyone gets to record five songs and then myself and a few friends put together a CD.  Five songs and a free CD, complete with artwork.  That’s what Sparky the Dog is.  I’m working on the latest record right now.  This guy’s name is Matt Shupe. He’s so good, we decided to record a full CD of his stuff.  Listen:

The trees aren’t green
Without the sun.
The birds don’t perch
Without the trees.
The perch don’t swim
Without the sea.
I can’t believe you don’t love me.

SD:   Hmm.

SA:  Are you crying?

SD:  No. [sniffles]

[several moments of silence]

SA:  Anything else, Mr. Danforth?  You can ask me anything.


SD:  Are you okay?  You look a little--

[soft thud]

SA:  Mr. Danforth? 

SD: [moans]

SA:  Let me help you up.

SD: Sunshine.

SA:  I’m going to run to the house and call an ambulance.  I’ll be right back. 
You’re going to be okay.  Okay?

[footsteps. Sound of door opening]

SD:  Elk.

 [end of recorded transcript]

--Previously unpublished


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