The Funnercise Handbook was my first novel, finished in 2006.

It was rejected by 137 literary agents and/or publishers before I conceded
the truth (that the book was terrible) and wrote East of Denver.

The website was kinda fun, though.

fascinating, really... in a nutshell... What you're in for... A little meta pleasure...

The novel, The Funnercise Handbook includes several chapters of The Funnercise Handbook, the self-help book written by main character, Cordon Pruitt. 

Here, for the benefit of your good health are several excerpts from Cordon's work.

All illustrations are by Lucas Richards. 

The key phrase to Funnercise is: maximize your inefficiency. That is, make your everyday tasks slightly harder than they used to be.

In this handy primer, I have provided a dozen easy ideas of you can increase your inefficiency. I call these ideas Votes for Maximum Inefficiency, or vomin, for short. Just like the votes that decide the fates of nations, your vomin will add up. Lucky for you, you're allowed to "stuff the ballot box" without going to jail! In so doing you will improve your health, live longer and leave your lifestyle virtually intact.

#1 Stationary Leg Lift

The Funnercise adventure begins with a single vomin. You can start with practically anything, but for your first technique I recommend the Stationary Leg Lift.

Here's how you do it:  Lift your left foot fourteen inches above the ground.

After a few minutes, you'll start to feel a burn in your thigh. Those are calories burning. Hold that position for as long as you can.

Now hold it a little longer.

Once you're really tired you can put that foot back down and lift your right foot.

Easy, isn't it?

Click the arrow to move on!






#2 Tread Upon Your Tip-Toes

Ever notice how strong a ballerina’s legs are?

Why shouldn’t you have powerful thighs and calves? You can and here’s how: walk on your tiptoes. Everywhere.

All the time.

I like to put upside-down tacks in the heels of my shoes to encourage myself not to stand flat- footed. 
















#3 Small Vessel Hydration

The person who invented the
pitcher was one lazy guy (or gal)!

The Funnercise way to water
plants is with a shot glass.

This vomin is good for both you and your green pals. You benefit because you’ll have to make dozens of trips to the sink to fill up the shot glass. The plants benefit because the water has a chance to soak in to the roots in a more natural manner.

That’s a double shot of fitness!














#4 Change to Change




Ever notice that metal weighs substantially more than paper?

Let’s put that fact to use in a terrific vomin that will turn commerce into a work-out!

Go to the bank and exchange all your paper money for metal coins. Suddenly your money has substance. Twenty dollars in pennies weighs five-and-a-half pounds.

With your pockets filled with coins, a trip to the grocery--where the average bill is $96, or 26.4 lbs-- will burn 123 calories.

Plus, if you are mugged, your heavy money will weigh down your assailant (thieves are notorious for their lack of fitness) so the police can catch him (or her) more easily.  Which brings us to our next vomin...











#5 Defense for Fitness



There will come a time when you must subdue another human being. When this time comes, try to do it with your bare hands.

Ideally, you have been taking martial arts classes for the past year. The martial arts are several disciplines of combat that teach the value of momentum, speed, physical perfection, and mental wisdom. They include Karate, Aikido, Tai Chi, Judo, Jujitsu and Tae Bo. Also recommended are boxing, street fighting, or wrestling.

If you have not been trained in hand-to-hand combat, it's a good idea to throw things. Go for heavy items.










#6 Vitruvian Can

Hold two cans of food tightly in your fists.  I prefer beans, but you may chose something else.   Funnercise is all about choice.  

Stretch your arms out and wave the cans up and down. 

If you wish, you may also hop on one foot.  I do this vomin while I’m waiting for my eggs to hard-boil but you can do it whenever you want!

Click for more fitness!